Why did I do it? You weren’t there for me, because I don’t know you anymore, you’re different and you’re definitely not the person I married. It’s your fault, what did you expect.
Sound familiar?
Obviously there are thousands of other excuses, but the above excuses are from a cheating spouse who no longer feels loved or needed.
The honey moon period isn’t just a few weeks on holiday, it lasts differing lengths of time depending on the couples involved.
I know couples that have married, gone on their honeymoon, come back and that’s it! An affair then the dreaded break up. Indeed I know couples who had affairs and finished on their honeymoon.
I also know couples where the honeymoon period has lasted 20+ years, then bang! An affair and It’s all over.
Most husbands and wives who cheat on their spouse fully expect that they can carry on with their marriage and their affair(s) with little disruption.
Most cheating spouses want both and if caught cheating do not expect their marriage to end. Other unhappy cheating spouses get into an affair with the sole purpose of ending the marriage, they simply chose not to do the sensible thing and talk with their wife, husband, girlfriend or boyfriend.
Sometimes, the grass seems greener, but more often than not affairs are doomed to failure.
An affair doesn’t have to mean the END!
Couples that actually try to work things out after an affair have tremendous success, if you have children you MUST try, don’t give up. If problems are worked out correctly the relationship can grow into something very special. Sometimes you just need to try.
As to the answer to the title of this article, the grass is very rarely greener on the other side!
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A cheating husband can be difficult to deal with in the best of circumstances. Most women however find that anything to do with cheating and their husbands is usually not the best of circumstances. As much as you want to forgive your husband and try to work on saving your marriage, it's also important that your learn to establish boundaries with a cheating husband so that you don't find yourself in this exact same situation in a far too short amount of time.
Not all men who cheat once are likely to cheat again. That doesn't mean that your marriage is out of danger though simply because your husband has already cheated. Some people consider it scratching the seven year itch and something that should be expected. The thing is though that this is not something that you must tolerate in order to have a solid marriage. In fact, if you aren't comfortable accepting it, there is no rule, written or otherwise, that says you must stand for it.
Sometimes in marriage you really need to draw a line in the sand that tells your husband that this is the last straw and there will be no others along these lines. Boundaries are good in all relationships – even marriages. But they are especially useful in marriages as you work to move past the damage that a cheating husband can do to the relationship.
Do you want to save your marriage? Do you have a difficult time asserting yourself? Then it is more important for you than for most women in your situation that you learn to establish boundaries with a cheating husband so he doesn't cheat again or walk all over you after he's cheated.
How do you set a boundary?
This isn't putting up a physical wall and it's not a list of demands like a band robber would use. This is just you telling your husband that you love him very much and are interested in working to save your marriage. However, you must also inform him that there are certain conditions that must be met in order to save your marriage. This isn't an ultimatum and shouldn't be delivered as such. It should be given as a simple "position" statement.
He can't continue to cheat on you if he hopes to save your marriage. It's a line in the sand that must be drawn for the sakes of everyone involved. The hard part though is that this is one line you must stand behind. If he crosses it, you must be willing to walk away or it will be open season on your marriage time and time again.
It isn't easy to stand up and draw a line in the sand for your marriage but it is much easier to do that now than to try to get your ex back later – after even more damage has been done.
Watch this free video => http://www.magicofmakingup.com to learn about a surprising method to get your husband's attention and keep it away from all other women for good. You'll be surprised at how simply but massively effective this method is.
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In life I think it's fair to say that women drew the short straw enduring monthly periods, PMT, giving birth and the menopause; all producing more hormones than she, and anyone within arms length distance, can cope with.
But if she is 30 something and single the joy of being a woman doesn't stop there! She is in a race against time to meet a man (preferably sexy!), fall in love, get him to fall in love her, move in together, get married, have a baby (the latter two in no particular order as long as they happen!) and live happily ever after.
The reality though is that many women diarise "settling down" for their early 30s; devoting their 20s to getting a career, travelling, socialising and having fun. There are also the ones who, despite actively dating in search of their perfect partner since early adulthood, simply haven’t found “the one”.
After revelling in her 20s footloose and fancy free, from the day she hits 30 her carefree attitude screeches to an abrupt halt; Mother Nature is suddenly occupying all her thoughts and her biological clock is ticking getting faster and louder as each day, month and year passes still with no sign of “the one” entering her life.
Of course, for the 30 something single men of the world this is not a concern; nature gave them the choice to put fatherhood on hold, worry free, until their 40s, 50s even 60s. So is this why 30 something women find a gap in the dating scene and are unable to find someone of a similar age to settle down with? Are the 30 something men busy dating but staying single until later in life because they know that when the time is right (for them) reproducing won’t be a problem?
It’s a sad fact that society portrays 30 something single men and women completely different. 30 something single women are labelled “out of date goods left on the shelves” whereas 30 something single men are given a pat on the back and told to enjoy their freedom while they can. Although TV programmes like Sex in the City and Desperate Housewives have helped to change peoples opinions of single women over 30, the fact remains that if she wants children the natural way (i.e. without a sperm donor) she needs a man.
So with no sight of a man on the horizon, she feels under pressure not only from herself but also from those around her to get on the dating scene and meet the father-to-be of her children. Her parents will say, “Why can’t she meet a good man and settle down?" her friends will say, "Shall we fix her up on a date with [John]?" and then there are the sniggering colleagues who will say, "She must be a lesbian!"
Whilst some of them may have her best interests at heart, she should not feel forced into a relationship to please everyone else. The problem she faces however is that, as a woman of the world, she knows exactly what qualities she is looking for in her partner and her standards are set so high that the men she dates often don’t make the grade.
What she may have to do therefore is accept that not everyone is perfect and compromise on her “tick list”. She needs to put things in perspective and ask herself if it really matters that he doesn’t own a flash car or that he wears awful shoes. (It can sometimes be non-important things why women will reject a man.) She should also be careful not to discuss marriage and babies in the early dating stages; men are aware that a women in her 30s is looking for someone to father her children and if she comes across desperate, she will have most men running for the hills!
Ok, so she knows what she wants and she’s willing to compromise but where will a 30 something single woman meet the love of her life? Is it at work, through friends, in a bar/club, at a party or an online dating agency?
Whilst it is recommended to explore all methods of dating in order to increase your opportunities, not all of them will appeal to everyone. Take a 35 year old friend of mine for instance whom recently became single. It's not that she didn't want to settle down in her 20s, she just didn't meet the right man. She has, however, reached the conclusion that the likelihood of meeting someone in a bar or club who is potential “marriage material” is highly unlikely.
Whilst the majority of the 30 something single men she meets are happy to flirt, probably even happier to take her to bed, they do not want to commit to a relationship and jeopardise their freedom. Other rejects consist of men already in relationships looking for no strings fun or toy boys looking to put an older woman notch on their bedpost.
Only recently she dated someone whom she met in a bar who told her he was 27 years old (still younger than her but an acceptable age she thought). If I say that they became intimate very quickly, you’ll know what I mean! Whilst this was not something she would normally do, she felt a connection and it had been a while so she thought “Hell, why not!” Afterwards, she felt it only right to tell him her age. "You do know how old I am don't you?" she asked. "About 26/27?” he replied." (He certainly knew where his bread was buttered!), "No, I'm 35". "Well I suppose it's only fair I'm honest with you too ", he continued, "I'm actually only 19". "19!" she exclaimed. Immediately there was no future in this relationship and her hopes of finding “the one” had once again been dashed.
Turn the tables round (him 35, her 19) and it could have been a different storyÂ…. but that's for another day.
If you are experiencing similar problems finding a partner, why not give online dating a try? You will find men and women of all ages whose profiles will provide details of their age and whether they are looking for fun, love or marriage so you know from the start if you both have the same goals.
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Your husband has cheated on you. As a result you're having a difficult time with the idea of letting him "off the hook." You want to save your marriage. You haven't stopped loving your husband but you're terrified of forgiving him for cheating only to learn that in the not so distant future, he cheats on you again, right?
You spend more time asking "how many times should I forgive my cheating husband?" than you do wondering if your cheating husband deserves a second chance. This isn't good for either of you. You need to explore your options and decide the best course of action for you.
Is One Time One Too Many?
For some women, a cheating husband is something they just can't handle. It's too large of a betrayal or something that just hurts too much to confront day in and out. There's nothing wrong with that. You are the one who has to live with your decision for forgiving your husband for cheating or not forgiving him.
Even if you forgive him that doesn't mean you have to continue living with him as man and wife. You aren't obligated to stay with him after he has cheated on you unless you choose to do so. Many women simply can't get past the cheating to see a possible future. It's completely understandable and will have a lot to do with how you feel about your marriage, your husband, and the vows you took together.
Forgiveness is not a Free Pass
One thing you must understand is that forgiving him for cheating on you and even giving him a second chance is not giving him license to go out and cheat on you again. There is no reason on earth that either of you should expect him to be free to cheat again just because you've forgiven it this once.
However, this is something the two of you need to sit down and have long and strong conversations about before you decide to get back together. He needs to understand, without a doubt, that this is a second chance and he can squander it but that wouldn't be recommended.
There Won't be a Third Strike
This is a point you need to stress to your cheating husband. You may be inclined to give him a second chance. You are only offering one second chance. If he strays this time around he will not get another turn at the plate (to put it in a language he's sure to understand).
If you've forgiven him once and he's gone back and risked ruining the relationship again, it's time to take a step back and spend some serious time apart. If you decide to forgive him again, that is your choice but serious changes need to be made by both of you if this relationship is going to work.
Do you even know where to begin when it comes to efforts to get your ex back? Sometimes what you need more than anything is a roadmap that tells you where you need to go to begin your journey.
Watch this free video: http://www.magicofmakingup.com to learn the first step you need to take to get moving in the right direction to get your ex husband and your marriage back on track.
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Jennie Barbara, a foreign national, and Robbie Nathan, a US citizen, have been married for about a year now. Robbie filed a relative petition for Jennie shortly after their marriage, and Jennie filed for adjustment of status. Despite the fact that everything is going very well in the marriage Jennie is becoming extremely overwrought because she has an appointment with the US Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) next week for her marriage-based immigrant visa interview. Robbie and Jennie had heard that getting Jennie a green card based on the marriage would be easy. However, after filing the applications Jennie began hearing many horror stories from her friends who had gone through the process. With each new story and each passing day as her interview date came closer, she became more nervous and began to have sleepless nights. Jennie's tensions and restlessness became a cause of worry for Robbie as he knew that this could create problems for her in the upcoming interview and could even plant a seed of suspicion in the mind of the USCIS officer interviewing them.
The "marriage interview," which both of the partners are required to attend as part of the green card process, should not be presumed as simple and easy; it has the possibility of being a very grueling and painful event. You can take the stress and anxiety out of the situation through thorough preparation.
You can begin by gathering the documentation that you will need for the interview. The interview notice you received in the mail has an exhaustive list of the documents you will need to bring with you to the interview, follow it very carefully.
Robbie, realizing the seriousness of the situation, and taking into account his wife's anxiety, sought the advice and help of an expert immigration attorney. The attorney eased Jennie's tension and asked her to keep in mind ten simple things for being successful at the interview. And, to Jennie's surprise, these ten simple tips really worked out best for her.
1. Always be on time for your interview: Never be late. USICS officers expect you to be on time for your immigration appointment. It is always advisable to arrive at least 45 minutes before your scheduled interview time. If you have an attorney, and you are nervous about the interview, or you have any kind of complication in your case, it is very important that you begin the interview only when your attorney is present.
It is important to know that all immigration offices are in secure facilities and you will not be allowed to bring certain items into the immigration building, generally including: cell phones with cameras, matches, lighters, any liquids, sharp objects, and pepper spray.
2. Dress formally and conservatively: The way you are dressed is the first thing that an USCIS officer will see and it makes an immediate impact on them. Therefore, you have to be careful about the clothes you wear on your interview. On the day of your immigration interview it is always advisable to dress formally, i.e., dress as if you are going to a job interview or to church. And remember that you will be entering a federal building and going through security and a metal detector.
3. Be well organized - listen and respond appropriately: The USCIS officer is only given a short amount of time to conduct an interview for each couple - usually only 10-15 minutes for a marriage-based immigrant visa interview. They are highly appreciative when you come to the interview properly organized and are not overly talkative. You should keep your answers short and to the point. If the officer needs more information, they will ask you another question. Do not let any periods of silence intimidate you. It is perfectly acceptable to sit quietly and wait for the next question. When you are asked a question, listen very carefully and answer the specific question. Nothing will fan the flames of an immigration officer's suspicions more than an applicant who does not answer the questions asked. 4. Never guess on anything: The denial of many marriage-based immigrant visa cases have one thing in common: people's attitude that they have to give an answer and guessing. One of the biggest mistakes a person can make is to guess when he or she does not know the answer to a particular question. Instead of guessing at an answer and getting it wrong it's always advisable to say "I do not know" or "I don't remember". Let's look at an example: a husband during his interview was asked what he had given his wife for a gift on their first marriage anniversary. He could not remember what he bought her, but just to avoid embarrassment he told the officer that he bought her a gold ring. When his wife was asked what he had given her, she stated that he gave her beautiful dress. Because of the difference in the answers, the officer will begin to doubt that the marriage is real. Thus it is fine to say that you don't remember instead of guessing the answer and going down the wrong road.
5. Nothing to memorize: Remember that there is nothing that you need to learn by heart for the interview. There are no specific test questions prescribed for the immigrant interview that you have to memorize. What we mean by this is if the officer asks what was the date when you last entered the U.S.? And you cannot remember you are allowed to look at your I-485 Form, Page 1, for the Date of Last Arrival. That's it.
6. Reflect on the history of your relationship: During the interview the USCIS officer will ask you questions designed to highlight some of the grounds and history of your relationship; i.e., when did both of you first meet, when was your first date, what did you eat on your first date, etc. You should be able to present the circumstances under which you met your spouse and portray your journey from engagement to marriage. Remember it's not a police interrogation; it's only an inspection which everyone has to go through so you are not the exception.
7. Be prepared for 'The wedding Game': If the USCIS officer suspects that the marriage may not be real they may separate you and interview you individually. While not necessarily designed to be tricky the questions will trip up spouses that are not familiar with each other. In this case each spouse will be asked a series of questions about the another and their life together, ranging from "Where was your husband born?" to at times much more simple questions such as "What is your husband's favorite pass time?" Your answers to these questions will be compared against those provided by your spouse to determine your level of familiarity. The USCIS officials' goal is to verify whether or not you and your spouse are indeed living together in an intimate relationship. Remember to pay attention to the details of your living arrangements before the interview period. You may also want to quiz each other on your respective personal information.
8. Be what you are: The USCIS officials are trained to, and have experience at, analyzing body language and interactions between a couple. They are constantly looking for signs that suggest the two of you are not comfortable together, as it happens in most of the "sham or green card marriages" where the two people are in no way involved in an intimate relationship. In an attempt to show that they are married some couples show too much affection, which may appear forced and unnatural, and at the opposite end of the scale some have no interaction at all. You should neither show disparity nor do you need to show too much of affection, just behave as you both always do Be calm and relaxed. A simple sense of togetherness and mutual concern is what wins in the end.
9. Be prepared with the proper documents: Carry a set of original documents and a complete set of duplicate copies that you can give to the USCIS officer. You are expected to provide certain documentation to prove the validity of your marriage. The documents requested include, but are not limited to, wedding invitations, wedding photographs, birth certificates of any children you may have together, property leases with both names featured, photographs of special occasions spent together, joint bank account statements, and other joint financial documents.
10. Seek the assistance of an expert: If you are worried, have special circumstances, or just want peace of mind, it is worth spending few dollars to seek help from an expert immigration attorney to steer you through the whole process. There is a lot riding on the approval of your petition and it is not unheard of for those with genuine marriages to have their case denied as a result of being unprepared. The old proverb 'if you fail to prepare, then be prepared to fail' applies in this situation. The USCIS authorities do not take these inspections lightly and neither should you. They will conduct in depth background checks on the US citizen as well as the foreign national and will be ready for the interview. The guidance of an expert immigration attorney backing you at every step of the proceeding can certainly make the difference between residence granted and residence denied.
Conclusion:
It is estimated that each year 450,000 US citizens marry foreign nationals, out of which it is assumed that a certain percentage is for immigration purposes only. The authorities at the USCIS, however, are prepared for this often-abused strategy and do not make it an effortless process.
Thus we can see that Jennie's worries about the interview are not without basis as the major aspect of the inspection process before being granted the marriage-based immigrant visa is the interview. Your fate will be decided by the USCIS officer that is interviewing you. The purpose of the interviewing officer is to ascertain the couple's true intention behind the marriage. It is the job of the married couple to prove they did not marry for the immigration benefits alone.
The above are a few key points that could ease Jennie's tensions and nervousness. These are some of the things that you need to keep in mind when "preparing" for your interview. Sometimes it happens that we pay so much attention to certain things that we forget the simple things which too hold the power to change our lives and fortunes. Always remember that 'a small thing can make a big change.' So be friendly, smile, make eye contact, shake hands, listen to the whole question - don't interrupt or try to anticipate the question, and everything should be fine.
The above article is brought to you by VisaPro.com. VisaPro's Services include K-1 Visa, K-3, Adjustment of Status, Green Card, and over 100 Immigration Services. The information in this article is not intended to be legal advice. If you have questions specific to your case, you can have a Consultation with our experienced immigration attorneys.
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When it comes to codependency treatment, there is no one-size-fits-all method. There's not magic pull that will aid you get over being codependent. There is no way around it, it will take hard work in order to overcome being a codependent. Codpendency treatment can be difficult and painful at times. There's no quick fix! The good news is that the steps that you have to take are simple.
Once you are able to decide that you are codependent, you are probably questioning what codependency treatment options may be available. Codependency is a behavior that is learned and not one that is genetic or the result of a chemical imbalance. The best news is that you can learn new behaviors that will allow you to have healthier relationships in the future.
For many people, support groups are one of the best codependency treatment options available today. Groups like Codependents Anonymous are free and they offer support as well as a 12-step program. The main benefit to a support group is that you will be able to interact with other people who are in the same situation with you.
Choosing and reading quality books about getting past codependency is another great treatment option for many people. The leading codependency treatment book is most likely Codependent No More. You have to be willing to take the advice that you are offered in a book for it to work. If you do, you can really improve the way you relate to others.
Starting a journal is very helpful to many people as they work their way through recovering from their codependency. Starting a journal isn't the only thing you should do. You also need the assistance of a professional - in the form of a support group, counselor, or reading material. But writing your thoughts on paper is a great step as well.
If you can afford it, professional counseling is probably the best option for codependency treatment. A lot of people avoid counseling because they think that to go means they are somehow bad or broken, but that isn't the case at all. The truth is that counseling offers healing for many people. Talking to someone you can be open with and who can offer you practical advice on recovery can be the best thing you ever do.
Unfortunately, there's no easy way to overcome codependency. However, there are lots of options when it comes to codependency treatment and if you are serious about changing your habits when it comes to relationships, you'll find the help you need to do it!
Very cheap wedding invitations can be a way to trim your wedding planning costs. There are a lot of different types of wedding invitations to choose from, many of which that are inexpensive.
The first step in choosing your invitations is to set your budget. Try to be realistic while keeping your expenses low. It may not be realistic to expect to spend only two cents per invitation.
One thing to keep in mind is that there is a difference between cheap and inexpensive. Many weddings can get away with having cheap invitations, but if you are planning on having an elegant affair you may want set the tone with a more expensive invitation.
Here are 5 ideas when selecting very cheap wedding invitations:
Do It Yourself
Creating your invitations yourself is a great way to save a lot of money. For the creative among us, there are many specialty paper stores that carry different types of paper that can be used for invitations. Craft stores are great resources for ribbons and other invitation supplies as well.
Printable invitation kits are a big time saver as well as a money saver. Simply choose your invitation online and print them with your home computer.
Buy On Sale
Buying off season may also help slash your wedding invitation bill. Look for clearance or sale sections on websites as well as in stores. It might take a little extra effort to locate the sales, but it will pay off in the end.
You may also be able to find bargains at websites like EBay. Items like invitation kits can sometimes be snatched up for a fraction of their true price.
Shop Early
Starting early is a great way to find very cheap wedding invitations. If you wait until the last minute you may end up having to choose a more expensive invitation or one that you really don't like.
You will be able to shop around and locate the best deals possible. It also means that your invitations will go out on time giving your guests ample time to respond.
Check Discount Stores
Possibly the most overlooked option, stores like Target and Wal Mart offer good selections of invitation kits. Visit them on sale days for the best prices, but make sure you get there early to get the best selection.
Want to get your invitations for free? Ask for gift cards to these stores as holiday and birthday presents.
Go For The Package Deal
Going with invitation kits gives you a good chance of saving money. Kits typically include invitations, thank you cards and sometimes save the dates.
There are varying types and prices to choose from, so be sure to shop around for one that fits your style and your budget.
Date Night Almost half of marriages these days fail. That’s a bit daunting for anyone thinking of entering into a marriage. Why? Can it be prevented? I think a lot of people put an awful lot of effort into... Author:Debbie Leigh Fraser Share/Discuss this article: Digg twitter Facebook del.icio.us MySpace Comments
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