Dealing With Infidelity - How To Stop Playing The Affair Over In My Head

Since finding out about the affair your life has been upside down and devastating. You can't seem to be happy any more or smile as easily as you used to. As hard as you try, you just can't seem to get the image of them together out of your head. You think about this mess everyday. It never leaves your mind. You are making yourself miserable. Unfortunately, this is the fallout of dealing with infidelity in your marriage. It is not uncommon for the victim of an affair, to carry around images related to the affair in their mind.

It doesn't seem fair that your cheating spouse had the good time with his paramour, so why do you feel like you are the unworthy one? The insane movie keeps running in your head over and over again. You're saddled with a fantasy of the person you love with someone other than you. You are feeling insecure, powerless, inadequate and you can't seem to stop comparing yourself to her. You have this internal dialogue all day every day about how she must have been better than you, and that he must really enjoy her company and conversation. How in the world do you get that out of your head? Can you ever recover from those images?

In the beginning it is going to take a great deal of effort on your part to gain control over the haunting images of the affair in your mind. Here's an exercise that you can practice:

To help weaken the power of the fantasies, first find yourself a comfortable, secluded spot where you can sit quietly by yourself without any interruptions.

Then deliberately allow those images to come to you in whatever form your mind develops them.

Once the image of the affair is clear in your mind, try manipulating it in different ways such as playing it backwards in your head.

This technique may not work for everyone, if it works for you fine, if not then immediately stop doing it. This is not the whole solution, there are other ways to deal with the disturbing images.

It's not going to be easy to replace the negative movie of your spouse and his paramour with a more positive one with you in it. But at some point you will regain control of your crushed emotions. Learning how to cope with, and move beyond the thoughts and images that are torturing you is just one aspect of dealing with infidelity in your marriage.
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